MaryAshley Adventuring

Catch up from the sick bay

2011-06-16T23:48:00.002-05:00

You'd think that, on day five or six or something of being placed in medical house arrest, I would have poured forth on a number of subjects in at least one of the three blogs I frequent from time to time. Instead, I've resigned to sleeping, trolling the internet for any Facebook activity from people I stopped conversing with years ago, horse training articles, scummy entertainment stories and Jezebel insight, eating anything gelatinous or squishy or soupy that didn't fry my throat, and occasionally wandering into the bathroom for a wash up.

Anyway, I got really sick two weeks and some change ago. I've been frazzled and stressed for.. not sure, since Christmas? But knew I was headlong for an illness coming into May. I hope we aren't running the same schedule next spring. I love my work in nearly all ways, but I found myself questioning it more than I would care to say throughout the spring. And just as staff training was gearing towards the arrival of children, I tanked and a lot of bloodwork and ER trips and things later, still no real answers, but a different concoction of drugs and I see the light at the end of this rashy, throat-closing ordeal.

I miss my horse. Horses, really, but I definitely lost out on a great experience taking Bandit to the dressage clinic at Silver Oaks. I went down to feed last night, against the ol' doctor's orders, and all I wanted to do was stick my face in his neck. Uncharacteristically, he obliged and didn't even sidle.

Got to visit a gorgeous barn in Pipe Creek-- Happy Heart Ranch-- with Tiffany last Saturday. Whenever I waver on staying in the horse industry as a job, I realize that someday I could run something private like that-- maybe not as an owner, but a foreman or full-time instructor. That would be amazing. I do like the Y though. Just not so much the trapped feeling of weekends.

Scoot is doing well. I should make him a video.

My mom was here yesterday. Brightened everything up and I owe some of my rejuvenated spirit to her. Plus she just finished my painted spur straps; can't wait to see.

I'm putting a moratorium on visitors to El Tiny Casa de McGibbon until at least October. Minus any major crises that leave friends without a home temporarily (and two of you know exactly who you are.) But we are going to take some vacations for the next few months that don't involve cleaning and stressing. I absolutely love having friends make the drive here, but we (and by 'we' I mean 'I') overestimated the amount of visitors last spring among the work load we were handling. Pants-free lazy afternoons are crucial to our marriage in the least sexual of ways. This has been the first week in months I've been forced to relax, be it in coma or in boredom. It has been good. Also haven't been wearing a lot of pants. Also good. Next week, to strap on the denim and riding tights for the next seven weeks straight. Bring it.

?

2011-04-22T23:10:00.001-05:00

Why am I so lucky in life?

Video Update— Scoot, Day 10

2011-04-22T00:48:00.000-05:00

Updates, late April

2011-04-18T21:51:00.002-05:00

As I'm typing this, Burd, our Quaker Parrot, is bathing himself in the gallon-sized dog water dish on the floor. Our two (now two, count them) dogs are watching in half interest as he nearly drowns himself with every gargly dunk. Normally Burd gets a shallow Tupperware dish with lukewarm-to-toasty water only a couple of inches deep for his private shower time, but he's braving a good five inch swimming pool at the moment of icy-cool fresh doggie water. Now he's scuttling across the floor, wet wings spread, shucking all need for flight (even though he is fully feathered) and ignoring entirely the two dogs watching his duck walk. Lemon is flying over, checking on him. Her long, yellow top knot has been nibbled and yanked down to a few short, sad gold feathers sticking straight off her head— Burd seems jealous of her headwear and has been removing her plumage whenever he feels the urge to be vindictive. Despite that and the occasional velociraptor-style argument, they have become good friends.

A lot of stuff has changed since my last post.

Perhaps not most importantly, but must noticeably is the addition of Scoot, an 11-week-old bicolor Australian Shepherd puppy who is currently sprawled on the floor next to me, chewing on his third favorite playtoy, a roll of purple duct tape. The reason I think he likes it so much is that it can't move very far for him to sink his teeth into, even on the cool, glossy tile— Scoot lost much of the function in his hind end due to an attack from his sire as a 4 week old puppy. His movement is sadly a bit limited. He was bred by a place called Texas Aussies, interestingly enough located in the vicinity of Chicago, Illinois. His name was originally Arrow, which seemed fortuitous considering he would end up at YMCA Camp Flaming Arrow, but now goes by Scoot, for obvious reference to his choice of locomotion. Our friend Ellen brought him down last Tuesday via American Airlines. Since that time, he has progressed from only a few moments of looking like a half-normal quadruped and standing on all fours to being able to drunkenly stumble after Dick and I. He will likely not recover full use of his back legs, but thanks to a fairly proactive breeder and now some tough love and a lot of swimming lessons with us down here in Texas, I think he is going to continue to improve to a point where he can get around on his own, albeit not gracefully. Richard was in the market for a "truck dog" to tag along with him to work sites, and looks as though he's got his mate. Hop is resigned to the idea and seems to benefit in the long run— currently Scoot is dozing on the tile floor whilst Hop enjoys one of Scoot's many chew bones while nestled in the fuzzy faux shearling of Scoot's new bed. Our goals now are to get him more mobile (check) and get some weight on him— plain Greek yogurt and Taste of the Wild kibble, with a smattering of Hop's Wolf King huge-honkin' dog food bites to spice things up.

Scoot collapses a bit and makes some people gasp and sigh and claim they want to cry, but he is good-natured, happy, bright, and an excellent sport about the whole "being crippled" thing. We do our best to exhaust him every day, and he sleeps well through the night cuddled up in our bed. No accidents in the house to report yet, but I think you can thank the breeder more than us for that. I'm really excited to have another lifetime dog, and I think he can certainly become as good a dog as Hop, if not the same athlete. Dick is absolutely in love with him; he hasn't had a puppy in ages and I suppose this is the first one that belongs entirely to him. We have gotten a few questions regarding our sanity in adopting an animal with obvious and possibly devastating special needs (the prognosis is cautiously optimistic, but not entirely rosy.) I can't say those doubts are unfounded, but I've also found the joy of owning a puppy is a hundred percent greater when you get to see him strengthen and grow in many ways outside of the norm. If you can think of things as predestined, (and I don't always, despite a lot of either good luck or karma) he was absolutely meant to be here.

My dad died a week ago last Friday. He would have been 85 and a half today (not that you get around to celebrating halfsies when you're past twelve, but still somewhat momentous.) He was dealing with long-term congestive heart failure and acute arthritis in his back, and looked to his family and a lot of prayer and close talks with his God as he grew closer to death. My mom definitely misses him; he was in all ways her best friend. I miss him, at least in the way I most remember him. He was ready to move on and if anyone was excited to find out the whole dealio with Heaven, it was my dad. Still sucks sometimes. But it is amazing who actually comes out of the proverbial woodwork to support you during these sorts of things; I am definitely surrounded by people who care, and those who seem awkward about saying anything are easy enough to forgive. If my dad left me with any legacies, they would be threefold— 1. The urge to make pictures that make people happy, 2. The understanding of what a good spouse can and should be, and 3. Realizing that there is no excuse to be unfriendly or act unloving. I cannot and have not always acted upon those three things, but they are intrinsic and they are all part of my Poppa.

The horses are all good. Had a blast with Ellen playing cowgirl and charging up hills and fording the river on horseback for the first time this year. Ellen, from Illinois-ish area where it seems overly cold and damp, is a friend I originally connected with probably at age 12 or 13 through the AOL online message board community of eons past— we were both horse crazy and fell into the same clique of pony-fueled girls who still keep in touch more than a dozen years later thanks to the miracle of Facebook. Though she and a handful of the other girls made a ridiculous and wonderful pilgrimage to our wedding in 2009, this past week was the first time I'd gotten to spend a true chunk of time with her, and it was effortless and fun and full of laughter and chatter, despite the heft and weight of the week she arrived. (Arrangements to fly Scoot down were in the process as my father passed away; we went ahead with things and she pitched in to help my mom and grandma as well as play in the dirt and river with us back at camp.) I do, however, blame her for making me go back and look at my LiveJournal rantings and immediately plant my face in my hands. Alas. ;) Love her much. I rarely get to the end of an extended visit and feel like I already miss that person, and that thought struck me pretty hard as I left the San Antonio Airport last Friday.

Feeling very discouraged about NATRC. It pains me not to get to go to any rides, really, and I hate to feel like I'm half-assing anything. I don't want to go to one ride, alone, and leave my work to someone else— and then not be able to attend anything else for God knows how long. I suppose it just needs to sit on the back burner and wait for.. when? 2012? Probably not. 2013? It's perhaps awkward in that I feel like the only person close to my age (not technically a child still, and no actual children of my own, so sometimes I feel like the only competitor making excuses about my schedule) but the experience and the people and the sore butt at the end of a 40 mile weekend absolutely got me pumped to ride competitively for the first time in a lifetime of horsemanship of one color or another. But the catch twenty-two is that I can't leave my job, which is primarily on the fair-weather weekends of Texas falls and springs, to go do competitive rides.. and I can't afford the rides without the security of a job and a place to keep and train my horses. That said, I wouldn't trade my job for anything either at the minute (except perhaps somewhere with a real house and a little acreage of our own) and look forward to hopefully a lifetime in this field. I just can't help but envy the schedule of a private camp and feel a little hopeless at the thought of no more CTRs for a very long while. I am purposefully skipping the Wimberly Wayfarer for a great friend's birthday and have no regrets about that; honestly, though, it partially has to due to the fact that I looked at my schedule and saw there was no point in pushing my finances and our vehicle when it would be a strain on my job, my friendships, Richard couldn't come, and I wouldn't exactly be aiming for any more rides in the fall. I think that is the conclusion of my emo rant, and I will feel better after our next dressage lesson (which of course I haven't prepared for in a week) and having something else to aim for.

In other hobbies.. We have been swimming every day for nearly a week now. Feels wonderful. I have the urge to try and do the lifeguard swim test (sans the rescues and things— just the 500 m swim) by the beginning of summer, and between dog swim time and just general joy of being outside in the spring swelter, I am getting enough exposure to maybe bring myself to that point. My legs are also tan. This is exciting.

I'm tan, I'm fitter. I'm still missing my Daddy, but even more in love with my sweet spouse every day. Our house is full to the brim with animals. The horses and the kids who come with them consume most of my time. The stress of this time of the year can push camp people to the point of being nutty, but at the same time, they can show absolute love and selflessness when you least expect it.

The Pierly/Redford Dissociative Affect Diagnostic Test

2011-04-06T14:28:00.002-05:00

The Pierly/Redford Dissociative Affect Diagnostic Test

You have a poetic sensibility and an ability to see beyond the day to day. You often seem to be living in a higher realm, or to be not-of-this-earth. Occasionally you imagine interior lives for friends and associates that are near-complete fabrications based on your fears or hopes for the future. You are often not aware of your own feelings. You have a strong sense of right and wrong, and because of this are often disappointed. Despite what can sometimes be a destructive inward-turning anger, you are very gentle. You are sometimes a bit out of touch with the ebb and flow of modern life. If your behavior is out of synch with your moral values, a severe psychic disturbance can result. Because connectivity is so important to you, you can become quiet and sulky if you feel that others around do not understand your point of view.

Relatively dead-on, but what does it mean?! Hah. Crazy test. Thanks, Luby.

A Few Notes on When Someone's Dying

2011-04-05T21:36:00.003-05:00

Asking "How are you feeling today?" is possibly the most obvious thing one wants to say when encountering a loved one with limited time left. It is also, I now believe, one of the most trying things that person has to hear. I now desperately try to have another benign question in my arsenal before coming for a visit. Few people like to be reminded that they feel like utter shit.
The tears and such come at obnoxious and relatively dicey moments. I can sit through a morphine-fueled rambling about contemplating suicide and plaster a smile; I can talk funeral plans; I can update most friends and family with a level tone. But in the middle of a meeting, when something thoroughly unrelated but semi-stressful comes up, I'm reduced to sobbing in a corner. Or when my mother, who has gone from educator to nursemaid with all the compassion in the world, says the tiniest, grinding, off-handed thing and I have to go sit in the bathroom with the door locked and shake.
You can handle a lot more than you might've thought possible. Still sucks, though!
It's okay to be completely annoyed, internally, at other people's struggles when somebody you know is struggling with end of their life. It can be socially acceptable to act on this annoyance. It is a true calling to be above those sentiments, and attempt to put love and time in every other interaction, no matter how miniscule.
It truly is up to God, or a god, or the Universe, or whatever you brand it as. People asking about timelines are facetious and pandering at best; and other times anxious and uncomfortable with sadness.

If the conversation is open

2011-03-20T23:05:00.001-05:00

As progressive Catholics we seek to bridge the gaps that divide Church and society. We invite all to take part in the dialog regardless of gender, age, social status, education, ethnic identity, sexual orientation, level of affluence, etc. The religious experience of each human being is valuable. Only if the conversation is open to all concerned parties can any semblance of consensus be achieved.

The Progressive Catholic Voice

Dryer Lent.

2011-03-18T17:53:00.004-05:00

I decided to retro Catholic-school-girl-days it with Lent this year, and actually Give Something Up. And I picked Junk Food.

I realize— sort of a shifty and overzealous goal at first look. But I define "junk" as:

No discernible nutritional value.
Moderate-to-highly processed.
Including high fructose corn syrup.
Relatively high calorie.
Not including diet soda. (Yeah yeah yeah.. I know.)

And so far, so good. I have had a couple of homemade cookies, some frozen yogurt, and I would eat a small piece of dark chocolate if it crossed my path. Giving up all sweets would absolutely kill me, and for the same reason, I still drink diet soda. It is most difficult when faced with greasy bagged potato chips or bags of M&Ms, or when the twinge hits me to get french fries as an afternoon snack. I can binge like a pro, and lately, especially when I get stressed and hurried, I notice more and more bad, processed foods slipping in my hands.

In addition to Giving Something Up, I'm also adding. My friend Ryne takes that approach and I think it is a more positive way to observe Lent anyway. So, I got a dorky pedometer and make sure and take 10,000 steps a day.

It's funny how bad my mental calculations on how far I've walked are. On days where I have a handful of lessons to teach, I probably clock 13,000 steps without even trying. I had no idea I walked that much. Unfortunately, on days when I'm working in the office or traveling, it is shocking to look down at the end of the day and see 4,500 steps as a total and realize that I have to jog or walk a hefty amount to catch up. But ultimately, it's a good gauge of how much I need to move a day and I'm becoming even more conscientious about putting a little walk at the end of each day.

Note:

2011-03-16T23:38:00.001-05:00

I am much more active here —> paxfilly.blogspot.com/

But if you get bored of reading a bunch of horsey mumbo-jumbo, it probably isn't your bag.

family — ??

2011-03-14T00:18:00.003-05:00

Stuff is difficult for my family now. I am so thankful to be close.

Richard is in the neighborhood of saintly. I don't think I deserve him.

My mother is an outstanding human being. I am too loved.

I don't know what to think about things right now.

But I do know to take life day by day.

Prayer can't hurt, either.

Nor can cabernet.

In moderation.

Decembery. Closing shop in 2010.

2010-12-27T03:01:00.001-06:00

Napped this afternoon. Now I'm still wide-eyed and antsy and thoughtful.

Christmas was truly joyful. Family, friendships from more than one side of life, and an overabundance of giving that I didn't expect but still thoroughly enjoyed. My family, all sides, is a gift.

I want to spend more time with the horses in the next months. I have a lot to learn, and I don't do it sitting around and listening to jabber. I will still be reading, and now lessons are taking a small priority in my budget and free time, but less talk and more roundpen and saddle will go a long way for me. Talk sometimes scares me, creates doubt, or plants resentment. I always learn things with less talking and more observation.

I am aware I am falling into the trap of replacing buddies and girltime with lax domesticity and Richard. Recently I have worried about this less and become more accepting of the growing boredom and disinterest my friends rightfully show towards me, though in a gentle way. As long as they know I am there for them in times of need, I should be satisfied. I think I am. I'm secure in knowing I am much more than a houseplant, or more secure than I was.

I haven't done a bang-up job on my Raggers goals. In fact, one is pretty much a moot point courtesy of money in my work or personal budgets. But the act of setting goals in and of itself was a positive thing; I will be trying if again.. Eventually. Someday I may develop some Type A tendencies that are beneficial; someday I will be an active planner rather then a passive one.

Good year. Different. But good.

More different from here on out, I suppose.

- created via the BlogPress app for iPhone.

Location:Home, in Hunt

Facebook.

2010-11-29T23:07:00.006-06:00

What would you do if Facebook suddenly deleted your past albums?

I had over two thousand pictures of me tagged. I just deleted a bunch more of questionable content. (Heh.)

What would the me in those early photos, wearing a "booby" sweater and eyeliner and short, curled hair and squishing in as many people at the party into one frame say to the person I am now? I think I would've realized my life is pretty blessed at age twenty four (and I might've noticed that I stopped getting haircuts after college) but I wonder what else.

It's so cool to look back. A few moments of slapping my palm to my face a nanosecond before untagging— the worst were some of my comments. Why did I just not leave the caption fields blank?! But it makes me miss some of my friends, reflect on a couple of old boyfriends, wonder why I ever thought "orange" was an appropriate interior decorating scheme, shudder at the thought of gulping down drinks I wouldn't touch in my mid-twenties, remember Europe better, curse myself for ever thinking myself fat in college, and really, it makes me so happy I've found what I have.

Sort of as an aside, I miss flying to Killinchy and Newcastle over Christmas. Even though I will always take having Richard here over the separation, it was thrilling to get to visit somewhere and become a part of a vastly different and very welcoming new family. There are a lot of things we could use some extra money for at the minute, but I hope in the next year we find the resources to go back. I think it would be good for both of us, and for Richard's family especially. I would also like to go up to the McConnells' house for tea and cookies and bring them something nice from Texas. I think about those gentle ladies a lot for some reason, almost as much as the rest of his family.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods. —Bill Cosby

What I Want for Christmas

2010-11-24T21:36:00.003-06:00

I don't normally make Christmas lists and have certainly never been encouraged to, but this is sort of a general wish list for myself.

Mountain Horse Sportive High Rider II Boot

Kerrits Sit Tight Lite Breech

Aaaand, most importantly, more riding lessons, please.

(What?! Natalie asked. So I researched.)

Pre Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T20:19:00.005-06:00

November doesn't have an excellent track record with my family, taking into consideration the past two and the loss of all of the males on the Phelps side of the family, but I still enjoy Thanksgiving. We aren't really having much of one this year as my Grandma and mom don't feel the urge to celebrate, but there will be food and the five of us, plus the normal dog assembly, plus a 140-lb Great Dane, plus the parrot. Somehow by injecting droves of animals into my parents' modest suburban home, I think I'm hoping to keep things light and hopefully out of the reach of the Dane.

I'm looking forward to a new camera, sort of a by-product of my mother investing in a new Mac Book Pro. We aren't exactly drowning in money here currently, as every animal and every vehicle seems to have expressed their opinion on breaking somehow (transmission, ear infection, viruses, alternators, ACLs, etc.) and we insist on driving a lot and having pricey hobbies (okay, last one is my fault) but we are doing alright. Having a lot of fun thanks to friends and good weather and being outside a good deal. Last weekend, a couple of great friends hosted us in College Station for Richard's first Aggie game. I was happy to go to see them and let Richard get the A&M experience, but ended up having a great time watching all of the excitement that surrounds a game in Aggieland and then enjoying someone else's nice family and friends. Totally worth the drive.

R's been working a lot, fifteen or so hours today alone, but we are driving to San Antonio tonight as soon as he gets off work. It has been pretty super to have him to work with the youngsters on trimming, plus Pax can get her pancake toes trimmed more often and Indy is having to deal with rasping instead of nippers. He's been riding one of the 5 year old bucksins for me, too and dealing with some of his crap that I wasn't fond of. My Thursday lesson girls are in love with him and his horse "Whiskers" and made him run the barrels twice last week. And by run, I mean, cajole obese Whiskey into trotting farty circles around the barrels angrily. He wants to do a NATRC ride with me, but we don't have a horse conditioned early enough for next weekend. He's tagging along anyway to run P&R checks again and be a good camp manager for me and El Bandito.

All in all, life is good. My dozen lesson students seem to have finally balanced out (moreso that I've gotten a better handle on things and started laying a few more diligent ground rules about scheduling.) Now I can enjoy that part of my job a lot more than I was— my riding instructor, Ashley, pretty much hung the moon as far as I was concerned at age 10 and 11, and while the fun —but correct— legalities of the YMCA prevent me from having the same kind of open-door-policy on the barn and horses, getting girls in the saddle who might not otherwise have a chance is what I'm pretty sure I'm cut out to do. The main thing that bothers me is the lack of weekends.. Not because I mind working 6+ days a week, but because I have a deeply burning desire to pursue my own competitive riding for the first time in my entire life. It isn't as though I don't enjoy weekend retreats— on the flip side, I love having our loving and very fun summer staff here to help run the place, not the least of which is Tiff. I just think I've found a sport both my wacko horse and I click at, somewhat. And to add to that, I now have a burning desire to ride dressage, because clearly that's an affordable and practical solution to having too many other things on the plate.

Ah well. Did I say life was good? It is.

Twenty four.

2010-09-26T23:31:00.003-05:00

Today was good. As expected, we worked a lot. (745 a - 400 p, 1.5 hour snooze somewhere in there.) I cleaned a lot more floors and cabins than I would normally prefer in a birthday celebration, but it was in high spirits and with good people, Richard included.

At midnight he handed me a wrapped DVD of Whip It, which we both liked a lot in theaters. Can't get enough of Drew Barrymore or Ellen Page or movies written in or about Austin, so naturally a winner. This morning, he gave me a hammered silver cuff bracelet from James Avery (he almost picked it out himself!) and the Apples to Apples Party Box, along with lots of chocolate (read: 30 ounces of Pretzel M&Ms AND MORE) and some silly bands.

After work, we changed and drove an hour to Boerne to meet my parents and Kelsey at Spinelli's Vistro. Vegetarian spinach tortillini, merlot, and a crap ton of bread and olive oil with pesto. And cheesecake. My parents gave me a beautiful James Avery bracelet (thank God not the same one; this was the year of the silver bracelets) with a little wild mustang dangling from it. Plus 30 more ounces of Pretzel M&Ms. Word is out I have a new favorite. Kelsey gave me a little giraffe piggy bank and our own copy of the Catchphrase game, which Richard likes to throw against the wall after a few beers at parties. Mainly, it was good to sit with everyone and eat and be happy. There's lots going on with my grandmother, her estate— to include two miniature Schnauzers, anyone want them? and the long list of health problems she and my father have racked up. But this was pretty easy and happy and nice.

Richard took me to a movie after, somewhat by fluke. More on that another time, but it was grand. We had a good conversation on the way home. Life's weird, we're going to be weird parents down the line, but it's a weirdness I thoroughly condone and enjoy. And he enjoys our menagerie as much as I do, thank God, otherwise it would be a mess.

Even though today was sort of the crap end of the job —no horses, no real interaction with kids save for goodbyes and picture-taking— it was nice to work together with people who all pitched in and helped and made a long day go by quickly. I do love it here; there are frustrating parts but I realize they pale in comparison to the frustrations that come with a work place that doesn't "get" you or allow you to do what you're really happy doing. The rides with the Boy Scouts yesterday were just lots and lots of fun. Everyone was appreciative, Richard and Justin did a great job riding and palling around with the kids.

Life's nice. Not at all meager, really. There's enough promise for what's to come that I don't mind cutting corners here and there and taking longer to be with my family and the friends and co-worker/friends that feel like family.

Today also seems to be the first weather-y day of fall. It's quite cool out, and never got to sweltering during the day. I like fall now more, after being married. Until now, I have always been a fervent supporter of summer 365 days a year. But I'm starting to enjoy being chilly, just a little.

Plus, our crappy little house is full of love with three cats outside, a yellow dog and the two people inside. I like it. Twenty four will be a good year, I think.

B.C.— Before camp.

2010-06-04T22:09:00.002-05:00

Today was the end of my week of training my new Wrangler. Her name is Tiffany and she's fantastic. She can ride, she can work, and she just seems to have a good soul.. if that makes sense. I'm just thrilled to have her around for the summer.

Tonight, Ryne and I took the majority of the international staff, plus a couple of new faces and an Ad Staff member, to Sonic and Wal Mart. Completely benign trip that I've taken eight dozen times in the past five summers, but it all hit me as I ran into CLJ boy after CLJ boy at the Supercenter— that was entirely my life and my favorite place, despite all the moral conflicts I had with some of the atmosphere and a few of the people. But to turn around and proudly introduce them to Ryne, and to our new CFA stafff— who, by the way, are FANTASTIC; the energy and the atmosphere that's being felt so early on is energizing— felt good. And I had good things to say about CFA without even thinking. And I'm proud of what I'm doing. Someday, yeah, I do want to be Wrangler Dave to some population. In effect.

Too little thought is going into this, as my good-natured husband and our pup are both in bed already and I want to join them. But the vibes I feel from this place as I begin to see it from the eyes of a summer person warm up my insides. I'm excited to share my horses and my energy and all the stupid songs and skits and dog-and-pony-shows we've learned to perform. I miss and love and think so fondly on the people I met just down river a ways.. But I'm ready for a-hundred-and-five-degree life on this section of the Guadalupe. These are good people, and I have a side of me that rarely saw the light of day at CLJ that I hope is what people remember about me here.

Happy summer.

I suppose I am a hedonist.

2010-03-13T09:57:00.005-06:00

I was looking at the blog of a girl I knew only very briefly (she's still a Facebook friend and I saw she was engaged, went to go check out her writing, blah blah..)

And this greeted me:

First of all.. I strangely really like the music. If I were to be subjected to listening to Christian music for the rest of my life, her voice would likely be my first pick.

But listen to all six (approx.) minutes of that. Of special note is the part where the "Devil" shows us images of Buddha, a Mosque, and a few other symbols of various world religion. And then this gem, lyrically:

Or I'll tell you...
There is a heaven but there's many ways to get in
Keep you so confused that you stay bound to your sin
Tell you there are many ways to the same God
Keep you distracted with your methods so your heart stays hard,
I'll make you think you've got spirituality, but it's really just emotional alchemy
Oh, the vanity of self-idoltary I never let you see that it breeds
Hedonism! Whoo!

The reminder that someone with some shred of talent and intelligence still believes these things was a bit too much to handle on this absolutely wonderful Saturday morning. The reason I still cling to parts of my Catholic upbringing is because of the handful of priests and laypeople I met who genuinely loved humanity as a whole and saw life as a brilliant opportunity to demonstrate love in all capacities, to all people, all of whom had a place in a life after this one.

Then of course there's the obligatory line about the Big Bang being a bunch of hooey, and divorce being sinful, and yadda yadda yadda. I'm sure dinosaurs also don't exist.

I do not mean to show malice towards this particular blogger. I think there is power is a faith that strong, and certainly the potential for that power to do wonderful, beneficial, altruistic, and world-altering things. But to consider one way of thinking the only road to spiritual enlightenment, love, Heaven, and worth in the eyes of God is so incredibly narrow, self-indulgent, and hypocritical. Believe fervently in what you want; go ahead! But with that certain brand of belief should come an understanding that other believers of all walks of the world may, too, wish for the same changes in the world and believe in an everlasting life. Or what have you. Show your love through compassion, not through finger-pointing.

Oye. I was going to go further into this, but my head hurts with the considerations and the fact that I'm rusty at writing. Going to go outside and plant stuff. And maybe chant

Green Things

2010-03-08T00:24:00.003-06:00

kara-and-mashley.blogspot.com/

It was Kara's idea! And I think it's grand.

Also, been plugging away at a plan for our garden. Richard isn't working the same hours during the week he'd been used to, though weekends are full— and he has a full-time job lined up for the supper. So we're planning and plotting a 20' x 20' veg garden in the east section of our fenced yard, and a compost bin. Right now, the plan is for English peas, summer squash, broccoli (I'm dubious about this one; different sites offer very different levels of difficulty for it, but whatever— worth a go), carrots, leaf lettuce, and spinach. I'm also doing tomatoes in this funky As-Seen-on-TV device thing we acquired and mint and rosemary in some large pots out front.

I want to ride more. :/ CAMPfrence is the beginning of this week, and I have a decent list of chores to tend to, but at least the hay delivery is done. Moving 104 bales a quarter mile over a windy road in little tractor frankly sucks. I am not good at "clearing my mind" or letting mindless tasks "calm me" unless they are physical. Riding the tractor is duller than can be imagined— the only upside being the opportunity to watch the herd eat, play, snooze, and kick up their heels at each other while forking the bales to and fro.

Natalie's coming in a week or two! Kelsey may be here this week! Polly and I had a good shopping trip, the first time I've bought much in ages, and it was all remarkably cheap. All clothes for the few days I need to look "Office Space" nice for work, but none of it boring. (i.e., I HATE black slacks. But grey crop pants are okay!)

Vague updates, tardy resolutions

2010-02-22T21:01:00.004-06:00

It's nine PM and I've been in my pajamas for just under an hour already. Delicious. True, I still have one horse to feed tonight, but that's exactly why shearling boots and Carhartt jackets were designed to fit over just about everything.

While Sunday was a perfect spring day at seventy-one degrees and cloudless, tomorrow there is a 90% chance of snow. Snow. I do not like snow, especially when tomorrow is the first day I will have had off in over two weeks and I had every intention of packing the dog and Richard into the hatchback and going to Fredericksburg for some barefooted hiking and scrambling around Enchanted Rock. I fear that if that does not happen, I'll instead spend my day off in a pile in bed watching Netflix and drinking coffee laced with hot chocolate. And that really isn't what I want to do, though I guess it wouldn't be all that bad.

As stated previously, spring is very busy here, which I really enjoy for the most part. I feel like I get a little lost in the fray sometimes and there are things that fall by the wayside that shouldn't (running, for one, and laundry, for another) but I love that I've been given lots of rein to make changes and look forward to improving things for this year and next and who knows however long afterwards. (Seems like most people stick around for two years. But I'm banking on doing everything I can to avoid moving, so maybe we'll be here longer? If we build on an attic by ourselves or something, as we are already pretty much out of space?) That said, we have moved feed companies and I hope to see some improvement per dollar in the condition of about four of our older horses. NOT to Purina, though the nutritionist was a very nice gentleman.. sorry, but buying $24/bag 32% protein feeds for my easy keepers is not in a Camp Budget, not even an uppity for-profit camp, let alone us.

Richard is off to his second adventure race with Bill and Ryne this weekend while us girls hold down the retreat fort. I'm rather sad that I don't get to be around for the debut of Team Hair In All The Right Places (oh yes, my husband came up with that one) but I'm good to focus on my own fitness. Barefoot running has swept over camp as a cool new craze, in addition to MovNat and we're all sporting our Vibram FiveFingers now. Well, three out of six of us. I suspect the trend will increase. ;)

Horses are good. Trying to get Pax about town a bit more and working on getting some riding lessons at the end of this week or beginning of next. Scheduling, growl.

2010-02-09T01:03:00.004-06:00

I hate losing friends. I don't feel as though I've done it via malicious methods often in life, but I also can have a wonderfully selective long-term memory that blots out the most painful stuff. I know I've gotten in some big snaggles with at least 75% of my closest friends, but all arguments of the sort that blow over with the right formula of time and changing scenery.

On the other hand, I don't think I'm wrong for reaching a point where solutions turn into more strife and the value of friendship has been outweighed by the burden of constantly being In The Wrong —tempered with feeling entirely misunderstood— and cutting ties. Clicking a button on the mouse isn't difficult, though the decision is. The ramifications aren't foreseeable, either. But I do not believe I have it in me to admit wrongfulness when I did something in the name of other friendships that resulted in not being liked by another handful of people. I totally hate being not liked; I'm not at all good at having an "f you if you don't like what I do" attitude (hi! please like me!) but that can only go so far.

I also want to find peace with the simple fact that I am happy with my life now. I have struggles (my body, some money battles though they have lessened, learning to be married and not suck at it, managing a social life and a difficult job that are completely intertwined, maintaining friendships with people I am no longer on the same plane with at times) but they are eased by the luck I've had in making the good things the important things. And it has taken a certain amount of work, though fate blessed me with far more fortune than most of the world. But it is tiring to always be thought of as a drag for being perceived as tame, boring, settled. And it is trying to have to hold my tongue when I want to say, "I'm in a good place now. I am happy!" but know it will meet with annoyance, rumoring, or grumbles. I do believe I am good at celebrating my friends' triumphs and not being too overt about my own. I do believe I am a listener, though that strength is imparted to me from my parents and my husband, who will listen to all my crazy so that I can put on a semblance of tranquility to friends who need support. I love being that support.

But I'm very exhausted of being unable to do anything right by some people who, I realize, I perhaps didn't know so well after all. Or I assumed things that I shouldn't have.

At the end of the day, my house is terribly and chronically messy and there's the possibility that the latest car payment might bounce if we don't deposit some of Richard's tip checks soon. I've made mistakes in my budget choices for FY 2010; some of the horses are old and I don't know if I'm doing the best thing for their digestive systems. Sometimes I struggle to keep up with the fundraising aspect of my job. Sometimes I forget to make phone calls, and sometimes I try to sweep those problems under the rug. I spend a lot of time wanting people to admire me. I gripe at my husband and say sarcastic things to him that I would try to keep from the worst of my neighbors. I'm worried about passing my certification test this next week in Oklahoma. I am sad that I can't travel with Kelsey right away and I wish I could show her in more ways how much her friendship means to me. My closest friend seems to want to prove me wrong on a lot of occasions; I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm just full of hot air. My dad is really sick. I weigh close to 150 pounds. That's 25 more than I did six months ago. It isn't a healthy place for my body because I haven't maintained my fitness level. I'm jealous when Richard goes mountain biking. I doubt myself in most ways. I'm vain and I'm proud of how far I've come in a short time after high school. I worry chronically that I've had too much luck, "pride goeth before the fall," yadda yadda, and tragedy is around the corner.

I know hundreds of millions of people have it worse off every second. I know my troubles pale in comparison.

But I am very happy. I don't feel the need to be kinetic with my life now. I like this place. I'm not ashamed of that, and I don't think it is a boring place.

Lost time

2010-02-01T21:36:00.003-06:00

I resolve to blog more!

.. Hopefully. :)

This is what's new:

Richard turned 24 last week and is now in love with mountain biking. He got a bike for his birthday. It's red and seems fancy. That's more or less the extent of my knowledge, but I am trying to learn.
I realize, in retrospect, my husband and I missed the Glee bandwagon. We are now clinging to the tail pipe of said wagon and singing along in loud bravado. It's beyond a guilty pleasure.
I've started barefoot running, and so far, I love it. One has to start slow, however. Combining it with yoga this morning has made for some blissfully stretched and sore calves, arches, and abdominals.
It's been cold-ish and rainy and everything is very muddy.
Adopt-a-Horse is going well. An interesting spectrum of interested participants, but well.
This weekend, I am riding in a classical dressage clinic. (Your silence is understood.) I was semi-talked into it after expressing vague interest, and I'm very excited, but borderline terrified. I'm taking a favorite camp horse who may or may not crap kittens at the sight of a new place and new people, and no, I have absolutely no experience with dressage. I'll be riding in my work saddle, and chinks, and stovepipe boots. I will look like a yahoo. But I'm desperate to learn, and haven't taken a proper lesson in over six years.
Something about marriage has rendered me useless at housecleaning. I swear I was neat at some point in my life.

That's about all I can muster. Going to take a nap (yes, a nap, at 945 at night) waiting for Richard to come home from his Man Date with Bill so we can go feed the caballos and put everybody to bed.

Thinking on Christmas.

2009-12-25T14:11:00.004-06:00

This isn't a very personally exploitative blog, but it's Christmas, and at Christmas (according to my favorite seasonal film, Love Actually) you tell the truth, so..

I really, really enjoyed having Richard here this year. I could not have fathomed how weird it would be to not be visiting his family in Belfast. I miss them, and for that I love their son and brother all the more. Since getting married, I have become eighty times happier and we've been more full of family and love than ever before. I've also somehow become at least twice as scatterbrained, messy, and unorganized. I've also gained fifteen plus pounds since the summer. That's painful. I don't doubt I can change that, but it's scary how quickly you can fall into a poor routine of work, play, and eating. My elderly dad is seeing some serious health problems. Making twice the money just means twice the bills for us, though we can't complain.

No, no complaints. In our current state of affairs, I am so happy.

I like to write down my Christmas exchanges somewhere, because I always have a tough time remembering months later. (What does that say about our culture? Not sure, but it's not particularly good.) So with that, I'll conclude this sporadic update.

For Richard, I bought a Gerber folding knife (which I ended up keeping, and he kept the gorgeous but large Horseman's Emerson knife he ordered for me, haha,) a soft grey bath robe, a handful of Transformers and Star Wars accessories for the new truck, some deerskin gloves and a Carhartt beanie, and to top it off, I woke him up by dumping Hopalong on our bed dressed in a Yoda costume. Which was epically cute, despite not fitting and my mom's dog, Rembrandt, desperately wanting to eat off Yoda's useless, floppy arms. He also got a motorized Lego AT-AT model (the Star Wars walking thing? idunfreakinknow..) and seemingly lots of pajamas. We also sort of consider his recent Tony Lamas a Christmas gift in extension. They're awesome, and at least well on their way to being broken in.

I received a pair of roughout chinks from my parents, plus pajamas and slippers shaped like cowboy boots! So cute. Richard bought me a fabulous Emerson blade which we decided was better for him (but the thought was awesome; it's considered "The" horseman's tool) in the long run. Still awesome. He got me the Waldemar Cookbook which I've wanted for awhile, and a card to get Hopalong DNA tested so we can figure out what makes up our fabulous best-friend mutt! Plus a little Blackaloosa (a black appaloosa.. don't ask, it went well with the Barak-Arama vanilla-scented air freshener he added)

Richard's family sent a darling compact and makeup bag and lots of our favorite Burt's Bees products. (I thought British people didn't get Burt's Bees but I guess they are pretty global. Hah.) He got a box of his favorite chocolate bars from home as well and a comedy DVD you probably wouldn't on any shelf in an American Target. I got a journal as well, and we both received a pair of beautiful, tiny silver spoons from Eve. We're a bit tore up that the present we designed and expedited to them is apparently being delivered in four days.. Richard is calling up the company (photobox.co.uk) tomorrow and raising hell. I felt awful that we didn't have something under their tree.

We also got a little money and books from my grandma. (Picked out by us, yay-- The Man With an Iron Heart for him and The Omnivore's Dilemma for me) My aunt and uncle got us a small handheld digital video recorder, good for short little clips.. I get the feeling we'll be taking LOTS of shots of Pax doing cute things. And we inherited like eight pounds of Starbucks Christmas coffee beans or something ridiculous since my family isn't completely partial to flavored coffees. I love them. So that was lucky.

I am not sure what we're going to do with the money. If we split it, there'd be enough for him to get a decent flat screen and for me to maybe find a used Wintec like the one I want.. But we could also just pay off a lot of bills.. hmm. Decisions. ;) Oh and I definitely need to invest in a horse soccer ball..

It's nice to be sitting here, typing and listening to my husband very busily crashing through his trough of several thousand Lego parts. It's a different Christmas, but it's a good one.

Training blog

2009-11-19T22:45:00.002-06:00

http://paxfilly.blogspot.com/

New blog, for the sole purpose of recording my work with the new filly.
Should still be here, too, when deeper thoughts possess me. :)

Life's not about what's better than.

2009-11-13T20:11:00.004-06:00

As I write this, Richard is solemnly glued to Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and the cat is sitting outside our front door window, on the gate, staring into my soul with a look of thorough resentment and— oop, he just turned his back on us, whapped his tail around, and is now standing sentinel against the People He Hates Most: The People Who Won't Allow Me To Sleep On The Couch.

My mind has more or less been thoroughly consumed with thoughts of the new filly. I bought Bandit at the age of thirteen and the things he's taught me make up a generous portion of my skills today; I hope I can put that amount of knowledge and all the rest I've caught from various friends and employers and professionals into bringing along a horse with a much more level mind and a wider range of ability. That seems to be cutting into my faith in the good horse I have— not so! The stuff we have conquered and the fact that he makes a workable camp horse (for a confident rider) speaks volumes for his ability to learn (slowly) and then re-learn as time progresses.. But at the end of the day, someone who really goddamn sucked at starting colts started him, hit him, repeatedly, and there are elements of his flight instinct that are too far reinforced to be unwritten.

But $1500 to bring a horse out of the slaughter pens of Canada to Texas? Worth it, I hope.

Having a tough time blogging recently, in so much of the fact that life is good, I love being married, and politically I'm bordering on apathy, which isn't a feature I like to exacerbate. Money has been tight on a single salary, but thanks to the failings of the Texas Tomorrow Fund, my refund check is paying for the horse and some of the fairly minor remainder of my student loans. (Our wedding present from Grandma was not flashy, but did involve a major debt relief off of Sallie Mae's fannie.) Plus, when your house and basic utilities are already covered, it's really hard to starve, even if saving is a bit difficult.

Waiting

2009-11-09T00:15:00.003-06:00

I would really prefer to be sleeping at the minute, but I was up at six this morning without sore muscles to speak of —surprisingly; see below— and now with a horse down in the pasture, I may be up for a few more. I know it is her time, but she's kept comfortable for now and well attended to.

This Saturday was the Adventure Race at Camp Eagle. I'll spare you the sweaty detail, but in seven and a half hours, our team mountain biked, kayaked, mountain scootered, rappelled, portaged, caved, ate meal worms, held hands, trekked, orienteered, ran, climbed, Sherpa walked, bushwacked, and got slightly lost. It was thoroughly worth it and I hope I get a chance to do another one.

And in about a month.. Should be driving up to Dallas to get the rescue filly. More detail again later, but it'll be a big day.

I promise I'm not schitzophrenic..

2009-10-29T15:59:00.004-05:00

..But I have changed my g-mail address three times in the past year, so for the third (and hopefully final) time, I have a "new" blogger profile. Sort of annoying how its linked to Gmail but I suppose that saves time.. Somewhere.

I'm at the tail end of a work day with a cat in my lap which does, indeed, lead to allergies. But despite Richard's protests that I spoil him, Atticus would have only made a good-for-show barn cat as he has far too much charisma to bother with chasing mice all day. He trots out like he owns the place when a group arrives and ends up sleeping in some 7-year-old's bunk for the weekend, so its not my fault that he's now used to waking us up by screaming in the bedroom window and then coming in for a quick spot of milk. We buy too much milk anyway..

The adventure race is in a week and a half and therefore this week is supposed to be crunch time as far as fitness goes. Getting married and going on a honeymoon allotted my body an additional fifteen pounds or something of that nature (oops, guess I just got kicked out of the fat-o-sphere bloggers for mentioning my weight) and while I'm not on a diet binge, it does feel fantastic to raise your level of fitness several notches in the span of just three weeks or so. I am not in any way, shape, or form a swimmer, but Polly had us doing 500 meters in a couple of days. It wasn't pretty, but it was an accomplishment. Definitely feeling the desire to get back into yoga

Yesterday was cool, this morning zoomed up to seventy-three degrees when I walked to the barn at 8:30, and as I was getting off the tractor at 10:30 we had dropped down to sixty. It's starkly fall outside and not at all sunny, which lamely discouraged me from riding. I'm hanging on to hope that the round pen will not be dropped from the 2010 camp budget as that will make things wildly better. The arena footing is terrible (I swear there's a ten degree elevation change in any direction) and what is supposed to be a round pen strikes me as somewhat dangerous depending on the situation-- the footing is better and it's fine for long line work, but I am really crossing my fingers for a 66' pen with lots of riding space and level ground. Hope hope hope.

I think we might splurge and go see Where The Wild Things Are tonight, because as per usual, we're the last to see any movie that's any good. Richard's been doing pretty well on his own and volunteering and riding quite a bit, but it will definitely be nice to have two incomes after the green card comes through. Cross your fingers.

All in all, marriage makes me disgustingly happy. We're only two and a half months in but surviving pretty well on a single salary and a single vehicle and I can't say there has been a discernible "adjustment period." Though you probably ought to ask Richard as I would not be hard pressed to admit I'm eighty times higher than he is on the temperamental scale. It just feels natural to be together, with our dog in our little house and the big, communal back yard. I can't get over how lucky I've gotten.

And as for the future.. I have been scouring the most reputable rescue websites I can find for a young draft horse. Bringing in a PMU horse from Canada would run upwards of $1500 and I know we aren't in that spot now, but perhaps by the new year..

In my defense, I have had one (1!) crazy-pants horse for the past ten years without ever the desperate desire to have another. One more person in the family means one more horse.. right?

Catching Up

2009-10-19T21:20:00.004-05:00

The honeymoon was beyond survivable and more like epic, tumultuous, thrilling, tiring, spur-of-the-moment, and at certain times of sundown and sunup, at least partially magical.

Tonight I finally got around to writing a few thank-you cards —postcards created from friends' wedding photos which I'm more than a little proud of — and the good memories of the day return. Frankly, I didn't really enjoy the wedding day. It was perfect in execution (or at least as close as I had dared to hope) but I was too caught up in micromanagement and trying to make sure the gathered had a good time; what I hear was that it was quite a good little party, though so much of it I missed. All that aside it was the greatest thing that's happened in my life thus far, so I suppose I can't really complain.

Married life, as I am guessing most newlyweds write, is wonderful. There's plenty to fight about but an unfair amount of those moments where we look at each other, finally together in the same country on a reasonably permanent basis, and say "Wow. We are so lucky." We've been riding together (job status changed dramatically; I'm the equestrian director at a camp just a little way up the road from La Junta and so far it's a great reason to wake up every morning) and training for a beginners' adventure race at Camp Eagle in Rocksprings, Texas, along with the two other young directors working here at camp. The only thing I'm passably good at is trail running, but the swimming (we swam our first ever 500m last week: momentous), mountain biking, high ropes and rock climbing will at least give me a kick in the face and some good stories to tell.

Bandit loves his new job with all the prissy mares in the pasture, and Hopalong has two new buddies to go chase / wallow in stuff with. My parents are well (dad's birthday was yesterday and we absolutely nailed the task of baking The Birthday Cake) and our new house is slathered in simple Ikea furniture and every color that caught my eye. Richard indulges me by keeping it pretty darn tidy, volunteers his free time (pre-green card, which may come as early as January) for our new camp, and plays copious amounts of Call of Duty on the xBox. Did I mention he's started riding with me fairly often? I love it, and he's surprisingly really good. But then he tends to be one of those annoying people that's good at any physical thing he tries.

I'll do my best to keep tabs on this blog and update frequently, though it saddens me that I have no friends who write regularly anymore! (Hint, hint.)

Honeymoonbeams

2009-08-21T23:44:00.003-05:00

Well, hello there. I'm in Georgia.

Rather, we are in Georgia. As of a week ago, I'm a married girl. Wifey material. Tied down and committed to one person to argue with forever. And after recouperating from intensive end-of-camp time, family travels and reunioning, we loaded down Sullivan the Dodge Caliber with camping gear and food and at least three or four cameras and drove for 28 hours to finally land here, a spot on the map we arbitrarily picked, Blairsville, Georgia, in the north of the state in the Chatahoochee National Forest. Speeding through Nacadoches, Texas to Shreveport, Louisiana and Jackson, Mississippi and eventually on up through Georgia. It's gorgeous. We're holed up in a snug motel on the square with a quasi-mountain view and easy access to our cooler full of leftover wedding beer. (Tonight is a Dos Equis and Tecate evening.) Tomorrow night or so we're going to camp and then it's on to the Carolinas or up the Appalachian Trail.

On the definite list to visit so far are:

Washington, DC: museumry (Smithsonian!) and monumentally things and the like.
Assateague Island, Virginia: wild horses and kayaking and camping on the beach. (Did you read Marguerite Henry books as a child? Then clearly you weren't a little horse girl. I so was.)
Wherever in Kentucky our friend Tobbe lives.

The only real complaint we've had is a plethora of fast food on the drive from Texas, which we did relatively non-stop. Hopefully we'll fix that with more picnicking and less Chick Fil A.

Mmm, waffle fries. And mountains. Great combination.

Bring it on.

2009-06-01T08:58:00.006-05:00

Camp kicks into high gear this afternoon, as the riding staff arrives for training tonight and everyone else should be ready on Wednesday for the full staff events to begin. Next Sunday will see herds of boys (and parents; gack!) and then I suppose we will be in full swing.

Richard arrives tomorrow. I always get a tiny bit nervous about his flights, but no overwhelming anxiety. It will feel a relief on all levels to just have him back again, with the shaky promise (come on now, US Immigration) that he'll never have to leave again. Kara came yesterday, which was exciting and I feel like any worries I had about being friends-with-an-internet-friend seem to be for naught. She is very cool. The horses are ready. Wedding plans are not, but I've left my mother with some creative projects for the effort and my dad with hotel and food concerns. Bandit's goofy eye is fixed and though he isn't quite where I'd like him, weight-wise, he is fifteen now and deserves some allowances.

City Year is a go. I spoke with John, who will be one of the senior staff / team leaders, so to speak, next year and that conversation gave me some renewed energies for the service year. Watching some of the PSAs on YouTube had me a little nervous that I was the wrong sort, or too old, or perhaps not a perfect fit for the organization, but it seems like I was well wrong in that thinking. I'm looking forward to the challenges of working with a wide assortment of people, and happy at the thought of meeting those kids.

I'm off to go pick up some staff at SA International, and then my mind is sadly going to be lost to June second when Richard gets here.. Hopefully with some British chocolate and the new Dave Matthews Band CD in tow. He has learned well the lesson on how to appease a girl.

Inviting!

2009-05-13T13:22:00.005-05:00

invite inside
Originally uploaded by topochicovase

Well, I fell off of a cliff and died. Proverbially.

But here I am! Invitations completed, a few personal dramas circumnavigated, more books read, and the weather hotter than balls.

Three weeks until Richard's here, and before that, staff training to plan and term schedules and cleaning out the mismanaged lot that was once my once-über-tidy shack.

Molly has passed, and now RosePup. Very sad day that was, though we still have a tiny bit of hope that Rose could be returned— no real sign where she went, but there are enough coyotes and snakes to have done her in, theoretically, though its strange she wasn't harmed by them before. Hopalong has tallied up three encounters with porcupine quills to the face and has cost us well over $300 for that fact. Little snot.

Had another job lead with an environmental non-profit which would have been better for Richard's green card status and our poverty levels, but AmeriCorps has taken precedence. It's just going to be a tight year, and a couple of uncomfortably close months with some lucky members of my family..

(And here's the outside wording for them there invitations.)

Waiting for summertime

2009-04-30T23:46:00.001-05:00

Waiting for summertime
Originally uploaded by topochicovase

The dog days will be arriving. Please note: never, under any circumstances, do I dress my dog in human clothing. This oversize bandanna was applied by our vet, for free, without my consent.

But c'mon. It's borderline cute.

Proof of existence

2009-04-29T00:32:00.002-05:00

I just finished invitations, minus about ten which I as of yet do not have addresses for. I also browsed our now totally array of music to choose from (I just went from a recessional song off of the Juno soundtrack to Bach. Mix-up much?) thanks to the new guitarist and e-mailed him some preferences.

So all of this is to say.. I'm not completely gone, just spending lots of time dotting i's and crossing t's and thinking of award-winning posts for down the line.

Happy spring— lots of rain there, too?

VB6

2009-04-22T10:37:00.004-05:00

I entirely dig this article by Mark Bittman about the VB6 —Vegan Before Six— movement. It advocates eating vegan (or nearly-vegan) until dinner, which is something I can absolutely get behind, if not strictly. It actually shouldn't take too much modification for me, as I generally eat soup/salad/PB for lunch. Just have to cut eggs out of breakfast more often, and replace the turkey in my salads with black beans, but I could very happily survive. After two years as a vegetarian, I see the benefits of the lifestyle, though they don't outweigh the personal inconveniences on a social, economic, and now marital level. (Please, vegan advocates, rip me a new, dirty, chicken-eating one if you'd like; I love what you do, it just doesn't fit me at this point in my life! We all have our ways of reducing the impact, friends.)

So anywho. New goal, after I run to the grocery store next week— learn at least one new vegan recipe a week, preferably something hearty that I could convince Richard to eat on some days. I may steal my parents' slow cooker because basically everything made in a slow cooker tastes extraordinary. I've stocked up on vegan blog readings to do and admittedly feel a little overwhelmed, but I'll aim low for the time being.

Otherwise, I can always live entirely off of hummus.

Down, Tex. Down, boy. Stay. STAY!

2009-04-21T23:49:00.009-05:00

I absolutely love my state.

Granted— and this has been a point of personal, inner-struggling contention with myself for the past year or so— I have never lived anywhere else. But for my age and economic means, I've done a fair bit of traveling ("abroad" in Texas can practically mean just crossing state lines, but I've been abroad actually, too, several times.)

My conclusion remains: whether I'm here for life or not, Texas is pretty incredible. From the blessing of dozens of diverse ecosystems to live, work, and romp in (just take 600 mile drive across I-10 or drive down 35; the changes are amazing), to the superior blessing of the best grocery store in the world (all hail HEB,) to a wealth of culture and humanity and technology and large-and-small scale agribusiness that can only come with the sheer population, land space, and money that Texas and Texans have to offer. We enjoy our image as a rebellious place with any number of last frontiers (I promise you; I have lived there: see Brewster County, TX) and cowboys and an assload of firearms and cows and oil rigs and, quite literally, much of what you see in the average Western film of silver screen glory days.

All that said, we are severely — severely lacking in areas because of a lack of efficient government or, in some cases, pure political apathy and ultra-socially conservative ideas. For example, when compared with the other Forty-Nine:

We are 50th when it comes to the percentage of eligible voters who actually turn out and vote.
We are 1st in air pollution emissions— and toxic chemical emissions to water— and carbon dioxide emissions.. oh, and cancer-causing carcinogen emissions to the air.
We're 1st in teenage birth rate levels.
Also 1st in the percentage of individuals over 25 without a high school diploma.
And 1st in the percentage of uninsured individuals.
Insofar as education goes, we rank 46th in SAT scores for graduating high school seniors.
.. and the list goes on. (according to Eliot Shapleigh, state senator from El Paso, who spends much of his time apparently compiling a report on all the things we suck at as a state.)

Clearly, we are not the shining beacons of efficient modern industry that we were, say, when somebody got around to inventing barbed wire and we went fence-happy on the prarieland.

With these facts standing indisputably to light, and with the nationwide political climate (and, oh yeah, that Wall Street / economy deal?!) in as flux of a state as it is (total sidenote— do you know about Fluxus? fascinatingly weird and seems very pre-Hipster kid to me) what does Rick Perry chose to offhandedly mention? Oh yes. Secession.

Let me share with you some of the wisdom of the TexasSecede.org FAQ:

Q: Is Texas really ripe for a secession movement? [BACK TO TOP]
A: Probably not (yet). Texans generally aren't the rugged, independent, liberty-conscious folks they once were. Like most Americans, they happily acquiesce to the U.S. government's steady theft of their rights and property via unlawful statutes, programs, and activities.

Unfamiliar with historical or legal details, being largely products of public (i.e., government) "education," today's Texans easily adopt the "politically correct" myths that litter the landscape of American popular opinion. Many don't even know what the word secede means, and believe that the United States is a "democracy" (hint: it's not)[8].

But public opinion and ignorance won't stop us from suggesting that secession is still a good idea for people who value their rights and personal liberty more highly than the temporal affluence, comfort, and false security provided by the U.S. welfare/warfare state. By raising public awareness of even the concept of secession, we hope they might plant seeds that will some day yield a new resolve among Texans for liberty and self-government.

Q: How would Texas—and Texans—benefit from secession? [BACK TO TOP]
A: In many ways. Over the past century-and-a-half the United States government has awarded itself ever more power (but not the lawful authority) to meddle with the lives, liberty, and property of the People of Texas (as well as those of the other States).

Sapping Texans' wealth into a myriad of bureaucratic, socialist schemes both in the U.S. and abroad, the bipartisan despots in Washington persist in expanding the federal debt and budget deficits every year. Texans would indeed gain much by reclaiming control of their State, their property, their liberty, and their very lives, by refusing to participate further in the fraud perpetrated by the Washington politicians and bureaucrats.

By restoring Texas to an independent republic, Texans would truly reclaim a treasure for themselves and their progeny.

Ah. Right. It's The Socialists! All these new Socialists in the White House, and their Little Marxist Dog, too! Since we do so incredibly well ourselves at regulating our own education system (raise your hand if you are young enough to recall /believe that the TAKS was absolutely absurd?,) paying our teachers (I forgot to mention— 49th in the nation!) and monitoring our own welfare and health via medical coverage and truckloads of free radical carcinogens, it's time to think about our break from the 'States.

How absurd is this? Absurd enough to get a nod from our brilliant and efficient Governor, Rick Perry. Extremist? Yes. What's interesting is the short amount of time it took conservatives to switch hats and become the patron saints of rebel-rousing and this twisted brand of community activism. (The general purpose being to destroy the central community, but ah, details, right?)

I think James Moore's Huffington Post article is invaluable to read for Texans. I'll leave you with my favorite excerpt:

..Perry blatantly suggested during the Fox News National Tea-Bagging Festival that Texans are about ready to leave the union because they are sick of Washington. In one cartoonish moment, the Republican standard bearer in this state insulted our entire democracy and every man or woman from Texas who has served under the Stars and Stripes. What is it they fought and died for governor? Was it so you could leave the union when people who had different politics than you were in the majority? I think we had that horror already in our history and, if you read when you were growing up out in Paint Rock, you would know that it was called the Civil War.
If a governor of a Democratic state had suggested such a thing during the administration of the previous president then you and every Republican in the land would have been demanding he or she be tried for treason. Suddenly, you fancy yourself a folk hero leading a band of revolutionaries. Turn around for a minute, pull back the hair from your forehead, and take a good look at who's following you. They are the 2009 version of Rick McLaren's wingnuts.

Oh, and finally—
The Future of the Lone Star Republic! (In case you wanted the spoiler edition before we all slash and rope our way to freedom with our Bowie knives.)

A mixed weekend

2009-04-19T17:30:00.004-05:00

So this was our first father-son weekend of the spring and if I do say so myself, all was a success. Of course there's some interesting, larger-than-life dads and beyond-amusing-into-the-realm-of-wow-you're-going-to-be-an-overly-exciting-camper-to-be-around sons, but overall, the families were wonderful. There were two boys especially that absolutely had my heart; they were precious— but little boys will do that to you! I belayed on the rock wall all morning without gloves, which was stupid as the ropes were filthy, but I enjoy belaying more and more every chance I get at it. The afternoon was riding, which is always frustrating but, in my opinion, rewarding. We were short on riding staff but it worked. Bandit was fairly good for the first half but his mind was elsewhere the latter part of the afternoon— he spazzed out and broke a four-horse-long string of dallied horses and I was annoyed. But alas, it's been a month since I've been on him. He's in good condition on that senior feed; I need to take pictures. He looks wonderful at fifteen! Ahh.. he turned fifteen this week.. Wow. I've had him since he was barely six.

Anyway, the rest of today was rock wall belay again, some clean-up, and lots of sitting around and talking. Pretty easy if I do say so myself, and I even got a little paycheck which should pay for Hop's vet checkup this month and the fact that my car needs crap done to it. Boo.

Kate, Drew, Matt (a younger guy from Alamo Heights), and eventually Kile all helped out for the weekend. It ended up being a really fun group despite seeming like an odd dynamic on the outset. Virgin strawberry margaritas will always make me laugh now.

Hopalong thought Father-Sons were amaaazing. Found out that he gets to stay through the summer definitely, which I'm vastly excited about. He almost went down the waterslide, ran through the dining hall during lunch, humped Kiley during the rock wall morning, stole a box of graham crackers and two Hershey's bars during campfire and ate them, and lifted his leg and marked a "tree" which actually turned out to be a kid army-crawling around in the grass in a camouflage coverall. Overall a success and he was very well-liked.

Sad, though, is Molly's condition. She spent a lot of the weekend asleep on my porch (I made her a bed out of some fake sheepskin material and two dry bags) and has trouble getting up or walking or anything else. One kid asked why we were letting a dog starve to death— she does look awful. I didn't expect my own reaction, though, when Scott and I cajoled her to get off my porch and drive home with his family— he told the quaking-legged Molly to "say goodbye" to me and I absolutely lost it. Can't even tell you exactly why, but I sobbed for a good half-hour. I wasn't as worked up about my grandad's death at the actual time. She was such a wonderful dog, so, goodbye, Molly. I'm glad Richard is out in the world to field my hysterical phone calls at 2 in the afternoon on a Sunday. Gosh, I do miss him.

Bridal rumblings and what I ate for lunch

2009-04-16T14:02:00.004-05:00

Sniffs
Originally uploaded by topochicovase

So I have been a good little nightowl recently and have our ceremony (and my vows) written out pretty much to the letter. Things can change, of course of course, but it feels good to have in my hand (/on my GoogleDocs account) a copy of the meat of the whole shindig. Were there no cakes or flowers or biodegradable, compostable flatware, the wedding element of the wedding is good to go and somehow that makes the sprawling list of other details feel quite managable. The words are fairly sparse and there's no indication that Arthur is "officially marrying us"— in Quaker tradition, our written vows are what marries us, ourselves, not the blessing of a pastor or priest or high witch doctor or whathaveyou. The friends and family are asked to guard over the marriage, so it's participatory in that fashion— instead of "speak now or forever hold your peace," we'll ask anyone to share their thoughts or wishes and kind of leave an open floor for speaking. I thoroughly plan on beating at least two people into speaking no matter what, so there's no super awkward silence. My guess is that at least a fraction of the La Junta counselor staff will be two and a half sheets to the wind at that point, so getting them to shut up could potentially be the issue at hand.

A happy addition to the plans is Kevin McCormick, a local classical guitarist who my boss, Dave, knows from the church community. He's going to play for the ceremony and the early, transition stage of the picnic reception (before the rowdy iPod ballads and Cupid Shuffles make their debut) as our wedding gift from the Domingues— his speciality being, of course, Catholic church music and Latin American guitar solos, which I'm quite infatuated with. Currently listening to his CD, Americas, that Dave lent me and it's fairly perfect for this rainy day. Into which I need to go to ride the last of this week's ponies.. Le sigh! Anyway, from a nonmusician standpoint and as someone who gave up the acoustic guitar by the sixth grade, I'd say the guy is good. If you've heard his stuff or look at his website and have any opinions on more upbeat/less dower recessional and processional songs, give me the heads up.

I've been eating pretty well lately and feeling better for it. Simple meals are very often my favorite— like for lunch today, I George Foreman-ed (I'm becoming a devout George follower) a skinless lean chicken breast covered in citrus pepper, covered the top with half of an avocado sliced up, and then filled 2/3 of the plate with spinach salad with Balsamic vinegarette and bleu cheese crumbles. Pretty much delish. Still nibbling a piece or two of Easter chocolate, though. Who knew that one could like Butterfinger eggs while not actually enjoying Butterfinger bars themselves?

The horses have been good, actually. As I said, I'm about to go finish up with the last three and get everyone roached and summerified before the fathers and sons show up this weekend. (Along with Kate, Drew, and Matt. Yay, friends!)

Therefore I need to clean. Boo.

As an important reminder, Stride gum in the magenta box is disgusting. Tastes like Hannah Montana perfume bought at The Limited, Too. If you can imagine how that would feel to your palette.

Also, my porch is The Dog Porch. Observe.

Crap. Need to do stuff.

2009-04-14T23:03:00.003-05:00

Before the end of the month— or, more appropriately, like this week. Oops.

Hop to vet. Rabies, rattlesnake, heartworm.
Car to Dodge dealer. Fix auxiliary cable and explain funny sound related to tire movement.
Car to get brakes looked at.
Car to get tires looked at.
Car to get inspected.
Clean inexplicably junky house.
Make doctor appointment.
Figure out something brilliant but not overpriced to give Julie for her 24th. 25th? Crap. I fail. I'll bet money on 25th.
Determine some way to cash excitingly large yet British check from Richard's Granny. Deposit in savings whilst understanding it'll probably all be gone by September on immigration fees. Oye.

Ever so ready for summertime. (Or getting there!)

2009-04-14T21:41:00.003-05:00

Favorites
Originally uploaded by topochicovase

Yesterday and today —and likely as not, tomorrow and the next and on into the weekend— were filled with moving horses from their winter pastures and back to camp, and getting everyone set for Father-Son weekends which start this Friday. Nobody put up any fuss except Smokey, an old black BLM mustang, who plum half-reared when I tried to move him away from his buddies. We had a very minor come-to-the-Lord-almighty meeting and I got him moved out a ways and then took him back— he's a line horse, always has been a line horse, well into his teens or early twenties, and I'm not going to spend days and injuries trying to fix a horse who does his job well but little else. Maybe that doesn't speak much for my perseverance, but I also know what battles to fight and which to express an opinion on and step back aways.

I think I'm going to back off of uploading Facebook pictures for awhile, unless they're party shots ripe for tagging. (And exactly how many parties have I attended since last summer? Yup, a whopping one or two, I think. Tops.) It never stops annoying me that they get reduced down to no quality. That said, I've only been using my sorry little water/shockproof Olympus for all of these photos recently— it does a fair job, but I need to get back to learning the new dSLR! I think I'm still bitter about the loss of my last one (RIP Pentax, my first love) and haven't really put much effort into gaining ease of use with the new cam.

So, woot! Flickr! See more shots from the sunny stables today.

Afternoon naps = not my usual 11 p.m. grandma bedtime.

2009-04-13T21:08:00.004-05:00

Janis Joplin and I should've had a chance to hang out.

One of these mornings
You’re gonna rise, rise up singing,
You’re gonna spread your wings,
Child, and take, take to the sky,
Lord, the sky.

But until that morning
Honey, n-n-nothing’s going to harm you now..

I really want to write a children's book about my dog and the recession. Understandably that thesis may not have you at the edge of your seat, but I swear, I have a passably creative idea— sometime I'm going to have a few weeks off from life to sketch and play with watercolors and make notes and ohidunnorichardtellsmeishoulddoit. And within limits, I think he has fairly clever ideas.

For anyone of a mind to get married in the near future, the most mindless part of the process (I believe) is the selection and comparison process of chair and glassware rental. Richard has made one simple request for the entire ceremony, and as he is a bartender, it only seems fair to have actual stemware and glasses. My big deal is compostable plates / napkins / utensils which are fairly unnatractive, but I can dig reusable rented glassware. But jesus-h, it is not fun to search for the stuff and compare prices. Same with the chairs. Like I really care? If it were up to me, and if we were being as budget-concious as I'd like and as anti-heavy-ceremony as I'd like, everybody could stand. That makes me horrible, I know. But seriously. These details are lame. Let's eat cake, dance some, take lots of pictures together, and I'll wear a dress and go home with a permanent, I-liked-it-so-I-put-a-ring-on-it portable best friend.

Next to take on.. Tables. I need to figure out a cool table cloth or table runners or something of that nature that's cheap and super, super colorful. I've already amassed a fairly impressive collection of thrift store glass vases which I'm going to clean up and arrange with river stones and sunflowers. But we need more COLOR! I guess we could rent brilliant-colored napkins or something. Holy crap, Richard's family is probably going to hate it. Telling myself it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.. >_<

Current disappointment in life: the new Decemberists album / "rock opera." Picaresque was a vastly better record with less screetching about a "rake." It almost bugs me how much I hate the new sound in comparison to "16 x 32" or "Summersong." Alas.

Happy Easter/Benevolent-Zombie-Jesus Day!

2009-04-12T22:58:00.002-05:00

rem1
Originally uploaded by topochicovase

Nothing says "Easter" more than a half-shaved, googley-eyed monster in your garden.

Easter was good. No two ways about it. At my 645 wake-up call, the pouring weather and thunderclaps felt a bit grim, but all was wonderful and springy by noon and I could wear a turquoise eyelet shift Richard bought for me last summer and feel warm. We picked up Grandma and visited Grandad's crypt and then had a family meal at my Aunt and Uncle's. I got to meet my second-third-fourth-something-twice removed-dunno little cousin Luke for the first time; he's almost three and precious. Apparently he loves horses and has been riding before so I'm hoping he'll come out and ride Bandit some weekend.

Besides that, napped, played with the dogs, ate my weight in chocolate eggs and bunny M&Ms and Dove chocolate rabbits, and finished up the first planting in the backyard. Hopalong helped with the digging. Obviously there's a long way to go, as evidenced from the pictures, but it's a good start. Even though I've spent so much time working around gardeners and naturalists and biologists and those kinds, this is my first self-attempt at a big planting and it's a bit exciting. I wish I could be home more for the next month to see how things pan out.

It came to my attention today that there's about six or seven weeks until I need to have All The Wedding Crap In Line. Because camp starts, and then we transcend to another planet devoid of constant internet access, spare minutes to spend tasting cake, and most of the natural freedoms folks in first-world nations enjoy. This has only brought upon a mild panic, but.. hmm. Might ought to get on that?

Father Son retreat weekends start this Friday, and I'm quite excited to see Kate this weekend and Kile, Tobbe, Brett, Drew, and others in the following weekends. This week is going to be full of hauling horses in from winter pasture and throwing a saddle on them all before kids ride on Saturday, which means afternoons at the barn, which I'm pretty content about. Busy, yes, but in the stables is a-ok by me. Bandit may be a bit neglected, but that's certainly the nice thing about having a horse in his mid-teens.. The rollercoaster of behavior between being worked and off days is much milder. I know I can hop on him in a month and he's going to be pretty steady.

6.5 weeks until Richard comes to the U.S.!

Currently making me laugh: British comedian Charlie Broker discussing the variety show that is Fox News.

salvia1

2009-04-12T22:21:00.002-05:00

salvia1
Originally uploaded by topochicovase

Salvia greggii; I get kind of giddy about this plant. It's what started a lot of the xeriscaping movement and I first learned about it when I volunteered at the Chihuahuan Desert Research Institute near Fort Davis. I think the red's my favorite, though this fuchsia is a toss-up, and I'm hoping for hummingbirds! :)

More dirt & mulch.

2009-04-12T22:04:00.002-05:00

pedro1
Originally uploaded by topochicovase

You can see the start of the side yard (and some of the brush I removed) and I'm not sure if we're going to try for some native grasses in there or not. Going to see how the investment on the opposite side does for the next month (I won't be home for at least three or four weekends) and if it holds up well, I may just repeat the wildscaping on the other side and save some clump grasses for up underneath the young Spanish oak, which is directly behind the camera.

Those are Radiance, Confetti, maybe? and Texas Flame and lantanas up against the stones, and a Mexican honeysuckle in the foreground.

Finishing up my parents' backyard; stage 1

2009-04-12T21:49:00.002-05:00

hopper1
Originally uploaded by topochicovase

Like I said.. I hesitate to take pictures because nothing looks very impressive after you've torn up all the existing plants in favor of grass and left nothing but exposed dirt and a few piddly-looking weeds and mulch! But oh well. I really just wanted to show off my flossy muck boots discovered in the garage from my FFA days and bathing steers.

Easter Saturday supper

2009-04-11T19:24:00.002-05:00

P4110001
Originally uploaded by topochicovase

This is my first Easter home since high school. So I'm kind of giddy. I don't really like going all out for holidays --or, that isn't our style-- but I love the little celebrations. Nice meal, wine, and some flowers on the table. It's the simple things, no?

Guess who just got buzzzzed?

2009-04-11T19:21:00.002-05:00

P4110010
Originally uploaded by topochicovase

Rembrandt looking more like George Washington without his five inches of fluff. (All dogs hanging out in kitchen upon dinner preparation; tell me this doesn't just happen in our house?)

2009-04-11T13:54:00.004-05:00

Spent Thursday night, most of Friday, and probably this upcoming evening planting my parents' backyard. Three young dogs and a lack of somebody young to do any gardening has reduced what was once planted, grassy, and full of rosemary bushes and mint to dirt, weeds, and one voracious red-tip photinia and a Spanish oak we planted from an acorn. And my mom's bougainvilleas. I went out late on Thursday and broke ground the prepared half the yard for planting --not a particularly easy job, but did a good job replacing the workouts I've been skipping for a week. Brought back memories from my trail-building days with TPWD-- and designed a rough plan with plants and guides and my folks sprang for a bunch of plants on Friday morning. It's looking good (small, but good! we've got several months before it's going to look fuller) and all very water-savvy; lots of Mexican sages, blackfood daisies, lantanas, etc. I may take pictures tomorrow, or I may not.. it simply does not look impressive, and my parents would kill me if they knew I was posting pictures of the tragedy that was our backyard.

Also convinced my parents to switch to premium, non-HEB-aisle dog food. That took some selling. Rembrandt and Pedro have skin issues and I'm thinking their nasty Beneful is to blame.

Feeling pretty excited about the thought of a revitalized rail system in the U.S. Also fairly annoyed about the Somali pirates. We're spending X amount of dollars on ridiculous amounts of defense, yet a lifeboat without fuel is beyond our capabilities? Hmm.

Also, this marks the first Easter I think I've been home since High School! And so I'm feeling quite inclined to eat Cadbury eggs and decorate the table with fresh lavender asters. :)

Holiday weekends are, how do you say? "Muy bueno."

2009-04-09T20:46:00.004-05:00

I'm home for Easter in San Antonio. Definitely looking at the city in a different way; not necessarily more or less critical than before, but knowing I have signed myself up for a year of striving for improvement in this place certainly adds more interest to the landscape. I haven't felt real nervousness about living on "the other" side of town yet; it feels somewhat like an adventure, even if it takes a couple of months for Richard and I to be steady enough on our feet to rent instead of cohabitate with Mom, Dad, or Grandma.

Three thoughts on how I currently think life should be lived:
(May change tomorrow, yanno. No promises.)

Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Adventure is worthwhile in itself.
— Amelia Earhart

Man's nature is not essentially evil. Brute nature has been know to yield to the influence of love. You must never despair of human nature.
— Mohandas Gandi

Probably one of my favorite things in the world now is The Moth podcast. Basically, various people get up and tell a story on mic. No notes. Arguably they're all true stories. Some hilarious, of course, and on the opposite end of the spectrum, some that leave you steely-armed at the wheel of your car with saucer-sized leaky eyeballs. Some are ten minutes, others are closer to thirty. My friend Ellen turned me on to it and it's yet another Super Free Thing brought to you by NPR.

My yellow dog is just likely cooler than you are. He's far cooler than I. I think he ate a worm today while I was down with my class fishing by the bravery tree. He definitely went turtle-diving in the middle of the kids, causing an satisfying shower. I'd love to be a dog sometimes.

Life Update in 90 Seconds

2009-04-08T12:00:00.003-05:00

If you're catching up or care to know:

My full-time internship at La Junta ends 7 August.
I'm out of university a year now, at age 22.
Looked at several outdoor education jobs for next year. Ran into difficulty because of housing and Richard's lack of work permit / green card 'til December. Frustration, tears, throwing things, etc.
Was made aware of AmeriCorps City Year program from a good girl friend. Went through the application / interview process, was accepted. Decided it almost wasn't worth it (my heart was set on PeaceCorps and had been so since early high school.)
Changed my thinking. Did more reading on City Year. I'm committed for 2009 - 2010 and thoroughly and completely ready.
Will finish the summer running the stables and being part of the camp program staff. Possibly last (and fourth) summer here = sadness.
Getting married to pretty awesome person on 14 August, a Friday. Super-brief honeymoon plans involve camping gear, canoe, and Silly Yellow Dog.
Plan to move to inner-city San Antonio if not by August, then by December, once Richard can work. It'll be my first time in the middle of a big city— but I'm ready.
After City Year? I'd like a camp / outdoor ed. job out-of-state for a few years. Possibly seasonal traveling.

A new blog means I'm starting fresh.

2009-04-08T11:40:00.000-05:00

.. Which isn't exactly the case at the minute, as I'm at the same desk, doing the same tasks. But developments are a-comin', changes should be a-happenin', and my 5-year-old LiveJournal is based off of a website that's shrouded in much more secrecy and "friends-only" entries than Blogger, where I've seen more and more friends open up to the thought of typing out fragments of their lives. I'm not a necessarily private person (not on purpose, anyway) so why not give it a go?